Confidence Myths: Stepping Into Your Power with Authenticity and Confidence
Women get told twice as often as men that they need to display more confidence, so it is no wonder many of us feel confidence is an elusive quality —something that others seem to possess in abundance while we struggle to find our own.
Google ‘confidence’ and you will find a million articles and myths about what confidence is, where it comes from, and who can truly embody it.
This month we decided to unpack some of the most common misconceptions about confidence, so that you can redefine what it means for you and start building the kind of confidence that’s genuine, grounded, and most importantly will help you achieve what you want in career and life.
Myth #1: You Are Born with Confidence
The Myth: Many people believe that confidence is something you’re either born with or you’re not. It’s seen as a fixed trait—something that certain people have naturally, while others simply don’t. There’s a pervasive idea that if you’re confident, you’re confident all the time, in every situation.
The Truth: Confidence is not a fixed trait; it’s a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. While some people may have a more natural inclination towards confidence due to their upbringing or early experiences, the truth is that confidence is variable. It depends on the context, content, and dynamics of a situation. You might feel incredibly confident in one area of your life but completely unsure or uncertain in another.
The more willing you are to take action (one of our Core Confidence mantras – ‘the Act of Confidence comes before the feeling of confidence’), even when you don’t feel fully ready, the more your confidence will grow. Confidence is built through experience, practice, and learning from both success and setbacks.
At the heart of this process is what we call “Core Confidence”, a deep, internal resource that remains steady, even as the external circumstances around you change.
Myth #2: Hard Work and Qualifications Are Enough to Progress
The Myth: There’s a widespread belief that hard work alone will lead to success and career progression… “If I just work harder or take on more responsibilities, I’ll eventually be recognised and rewarded.” Many women also believe that confidence will naturally follow once they’ve achieved a certain level of expertise or gained more experience.
The Truth: While hard work and qualifications are important, they are not enough on their own to guarantee progression. Waiting for external validation, thinking it will give you confidence, can lead to both disappointment and burnout. There are other factors that are just as important for progression:
- Self-advocacy: being visible and vocal about your achievements and contributions is critical. It’s not just about doing more; it’s about ensuring that others see and value the results of your current efforts.
- Building relationships and managing stakeholders are equally important as delivering on your work. This requires energy and effort.
- Confidence comes through action, particularly when you step out of your comfort zone to advocate for yourself. Yes, it’s uncomfortable at first, but the discomfort is worth it because it builds resilience and visibility.
The reality is that if you are not willing to advocate for yourself, it’s hard for others to champion you, even if your work is exceptional.
Myth #3: You Need to Be 100% Confident Before You Take Action
The Myth: Many of us believe that we need to feel completely confident—100% sure and certain, before we can take action. We wait for a “confidence signal” to tell us it’s safe to move forward. The fear is that if we act without confidence and things go wrong, it will shatter our self-belief even further.
The Truth: The best way to build confidence is by taking action—imperfect action. Confidence is not the starting point; it’s the outcome of trying, learning, and adjusting along the way. The act of confidence often comes before the feeling of confidence.
By reframing your expectations, that means recognising that you don’t need to have it all figured out before you start, you open yourself up to growth and learning (what’s called a Growth Mindset). On the other side of action, you have more information, more clarity, and more certainty. The cost of waiting for confidence (before you take action) is too high as it leads to missed opportunities, wasted time, and stagnation. Even if things don’t go perfectly, you will have learned valuable lessons, strengthened your inner resolve, and prepared yourself for the next challenge.
Myth #4: Being Confident Means You’re Loud, Extroverted, and Arrogant
The Myth: Confidence is often associated with people who are loud, assertive, and even dominant. We see them speaking boldly, projecting certainty, and commanding attention, and we assume that this is the only way confidence can manifest. We also make assumptions about what’s happening beneath the surface—believing that these individuals have no self-doubt or fear and have all the answers.
The Truth: Confidence comes in many forms, and it doesn’t have to be loud or extroverted. In fact, many of the most confident people we’ve worked with display a quiet, grounded confidence that is equally, if not more, powerful than the more outwardly assertive forms.
It’s important to recognize that the external signals of confidence, like a strong voice, clear messaging, or physical presence don’t always reflect what’s happening internally. Many leaders and executives, despite appearing confident, still experience self-doubt or imposter syndrome. In some cases, dominant personalities are compensating for their own insecurities.
Confidence doesn’t require arrogance or brashness; it can be calm, measured, and introspective. Quiet confidence is about being assured in who you are, trusting your judgment, and knowing that you don’t need to shout to make an impact.
Myth #5: You Have to Get Rid of Your Inner Critic to Be Confident
The Myth: Many of us believe that to be confident, we need to silence our inner critic (completely!). The idea is that if we can just get rid of the negative voices in our heads, we’ll be free to pursue our goals fearlessly and without self doubt.
The Truth: Your inner critic isn’t something you can simply (and easily) eliminate. Its job is to keep you safe, to protect you from perceived threats, and to help you avoid mistakes. It is very often operating with outdated information and doesn’t realise that you’ve grown, evolved, and gained new skills. Instead of fighting your inner critic, try to understand it, acknowledge that it’s trying to help you, even if its methods are unhelpful.
By recognising that your inner critic is not the enemy, you can start to reframe its influence. Explain to that inner voice that while the situation may look scary, you are now older, wiser, and more resourced to handle it. The goal isn’t to silence your inner critic but to work alongside it, reassuring it that you are capable of taking the risks necessary to grow.
Myth #6: Confidence Comes from Knowing the Answers and Being Right
The Myth: We often equate confidence with having all the answers and being right. This belief can make us afraid to ask for help or admit when we don’t know something because we think it will make us appear weak or incompetent.
The Truth: In today’s fast-paced, ever-changing world, it’s impossible to know everything. True confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers but from knowing that you can figure things out when challenges arise. It’s about being resourceful and resilient, trusting that you have the ability to solve problems and find solutions.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a strength. You are capable of seeking support, collaborating with others, and navigating uncertainty with grace and determination. In fact, collaboration and delegation are highly valued leadership skills, that require you to get good at asking for help.
Myth #7: Confidence Is Dependent on Achieving a Destination
The Myth: We often tell ourselves that we’ll be confident once we achieve a certain goal; have enough experience, knowledge, or validation from others. We treat confidence as a destination, something we’ll reach eventually if we just keep working hard enough (sounds exhausting doesn’t it?!)
The Truth: Confidence is not a destination; it’s an ongoing journey. It’s not something you arrive at once you’ve accomplished a specific task or achieved a particular level of success. External achievements can certainly boost your confidence temporarily, but true confidence comes from within; it’s about trusting yourself regardless of the external circumstances.
Confidence is built through small actions taken over time. It’s about recognising and challenging the beliefs and assumptions that hold you back. Once you reconnect with your Core Confidence, that inner resource that remains steady despite external challenges, you’ll find that you’re willing to take risks, step into new opportunities, and trust that the reward is worth the risk.
Conclusion
Confidence is not a one-size-fits-all concept, nor is it a fixed trait that some people are born with and others are not. By challenging these common myths about confidence, you can start to redefine what it means for you. Whether it’s through taking imperfect action, embracing quiet confidence, or working with your inner critic instead of against it, you can build a confidence that’s authentic, resilient, and grounded in your true self.
Ultimately, confidence is an inside job. It’s about trusting yourself to navigate whatever challenges come your way, knowing that you have the inner resources, strength and capability to confidently lead with courage and authenticity.
If you’ve been wondering how to sustainably access your own inner resource of Core Confidence, book a clarity call with one of the team to see how the Acts of Confidence program can support you to overcome the myths of confidence and stand in your authentic power.